New In Town

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing in response to your newspaper posting about an open call for your “American Apparel” store in Santa Clarita. I recently became a member of the California “elite” if you will and you bet your right arm I have changed dramatically since moving out here. After graduating from Bard in upstate New York with solid grades, I thought that it was cool to wear all dark clothing and pretend to be bi-curious. However, after moving to California, and following the trends of your store, I have discovered the true meaning of fashion. Pretending to be someone I'm not is now a thing of the past. Now I can pretend that I don’t care, that I do care, and that I am cold, all with the same outfit. “A scarf in the summer?” “Brilliant!” I thought. “Sunglasses that don’t do anything? Are you kidding me?!” I said. What I’m trying to say is, I am willing to conform with whatever mindless and unreasonable thought process society presents me with, and that is why I would fit in perfectly with the American Apparel outfitters. Just to show that I care, I went into your store just last week and bought a pair of pants that I will never fit into, and a weird checkered hoody with a dragon on it that I hate. I am wearing them right now.

Desperately Seeking Approval,

Leslie