Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing in response to your recently posted ad for a Printshop Supervisor for your in house print department. Correct me if I’m wrong, but this seems like the kind of job that literally requires no experience, personality or drive. Lacking all three of these traits, I feel as though I am the perfect candidate for your job. My parents and past employers refer to me as “that bland guy that stands behind the counter at kinkos” and my girlfriends look at me weird at the dinner table when I tell them “I will be with them in a moment.” I feel like my entire life has been built up for me to become a printshop supervisor. If you feel the same way, please feel free to call my land line at [111-1111] for a phone interview.

Bored and waiting,

JM